The universe is all about balance. Where there is light, there is also dark, or a shadow. Just as our conscious mind plays an important role, our subconscious mind is also a huge factor in our development, our relationships, and our self-awareness.
For that reason, it is important to befriend our subconscious mind and dig deep into what it’s telling us every day. So, this post focuses on our shadow side and the things I like to do to heal it and transmute those traumas and feelings into love and light.
What Is Your Shadow?
I will start off by saying that this is the hardest part of healing–embracing your shadow self. When I talk about “shadow self,” I’m referring to the darker side that everyone has within themselves. I don’t mean that we have evil within us, but these are the parts that we close off to the world. Think about your subconscious, and how even though it exists, it stays hidden.
Our “shadows” are what make us whole. It can be traumas, resentment, and any intense feelings/emotions that you have about yourself, the past, or the world. Our shadow self can come up in interactions with others and can even be triggered by certain stimuli that take us back to the things that traumatized us. The thing about our shadow sides is that they stay hidden, and sometimes we aren’t aware of it ourselves until we react to things a certain way.
Trauma
Trauma is different for everyone and comes in different forms. The stigma behind trauma is that it has to be this huge thing that only some people go through. However, trauma comes in different shapes and sizes. Certain events and circumstances can hurt people differently. So, don’t try to make your trauma small because it wasn’t a huge event that was happening consistently every day.
Small Story Time
When I first started seeing a therapist, I was very closed off and didn’t like sharing too much about myself. We discussed so many things and I remember talking about trauma in one our sessions. I played everything off and talked about how nothing really serious, like abuse, had truly happened to me. My therapist paused and told me that my experiences should not be dismissed because someone has it worse. She even told me that getting sick was a traumatic experience for me and my body.
After that session, I realized that she was right. My trauma was the autoimmune disorder. My trauma was the intense flare-ups I experienced, the weight I lost, the experiences I lost, the times I spent isolating myself. Every time I talked about my health; my body tensed up. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, and my anxiety would intensify.
The disease was my trauma, and my first necessary step was accepting it and not brushing it off because “other people had it worse.” Our experiences still matter, even if they’re “less” traumatic than the things that other people experience.
Different Types Of TRAUMAS
There are three main different types of traumas: acute, chronic, and complex.
Acute trauma comes from a single incident. The experience is so overwhelming that it disrupts the nervous system and puts it in a threat response. Some examples of acute trauma include car accidents, assault, violent crimes, and natural disasters.
Chronic trauma is from repeated traumatic events. Some examples of chronic trauma include chronic illness, war, abuse, and homelessness.
Complex trauma is formed when a child or young person experiences repeated and prolonged traumatic events. Some examples include childhood abuse/neglect, parentification, exposure to domestic violence, and being held captive.
So, What Is Shadow Work?
Shadow work is the process of exploring the subconscious side of you that is being triggered. It can be different for everyone, but it is ultimately a way for you to come to terms with your shadow side and show it love and compassion.
Shadow work is great for exploring your past traumas, overcoming any limiting beliefs, and understanding any patterns or behaviors in your relationships.
I do want to say that shadow work is not easy. It’s actually difficult. The reason being that it’s difficult to open yourself up like that and dig deep. We like to think we’re super friendly, funny, compassionate, and full of goodness, so it’s hard to believe that we have a side to us that maybe isn’t that.
Once you break down that ego and start digging, things get really deep. Overwhelming, even. That’s how the process goes. You might want to quit or go back into your safe bubble, but I highly recommend you don’t. Growing and healing is done in that discomfort.
Benefits of Shadow Work
- Reduced stress and anxiety
- Healthier relationships
- Improved emotional intelligence
- Increased self-awareness and confidence
- Self-acceptance, patience, and compassion
- More creativity
Ego
Before I continue to how I do my shadow work, I would like to mention the ego really quick. Many people have misconceptions about the ego. Our ego is solely here to protect us and help us survive.
Humans used to have to hunt for their food and even be capable of fighting off bigger and scarier animals. Even though our species has mentally developed and become technologically advanced, our ego has not caught up with the evolution. It is still there to help us survive.
The ego is not bad. It can make up things in your head to be worried about and even make you insecure. It wants attention and it wants to be fed. The goal here is to not feed into it but befriend it and understand where it’s coming from. I try to think of it as a child that wants to be comforted and loved. That way I can show more compassion and try my best to understand it better.
Ego can sound like:
- I can’t do it.
- They must be laughing at me.
- They aren’t responding to me so they don’t like me.
- I’m not strong/capable enough.
- What’s the point in trying? I’m going to fail anyways.
Remember, the ego is survival. Our brain likes the same thing, and it likes comfort. If you’re always feeding into the negative, you’ll immediately feel uncomfortable once you start becoming more positive. You’ll automatically want to get back into your comfort zone, and the ego will be screaming at you that it isn’t safe to go this way. That you have to come back to the safe zone with it.
What I do For Shadow Work
Therapy
Therapy is a fantastic way to start your shadow work. It has helped me understand a lot about myself, especially my relationship with myself and others. So, I do highly recommend going to therapy.
Some therapists do also specialize in therapy for shadow work, so that is helpful. It is nice to have someone to talk to that will not judge you. They do also offer a different perspective from everyone in your life because they don’t know you. They just listen and pick up on the things you say and the people/things/events you talk about.
I get that therapy can be costly, and not everyone has the ability to go to therapy sessions. So, please take this if it resonates with you.
Journaling
Besides therapy, which I don’t do anymore, I highly recommend getting a journal. This journal is your best friend for shadow work. Carry it with you and get used to writing.
The great thing about journaling is that it can be whatever you want it to be. Write poems, follow prompts, free write. There is no limit to what you can write.
Journaling has so many health benefits, but the most important benefit for the purpose of shadow work, is that it helps with your self-awareness. It brings attention to your emotions and your inner world, which is necessary for shadow work. Journaling allows you to reflect on your thoughts and release.
Here are some journal prompts you can try:
- How do you unintentionally allow others to invade your personal boundaries?
- Do you trust yourself, others, life? Why or why not?
- What emotions am I currently holding on to and how can I release them?
- What makes you feel ashamed of yourself? Why?
- In your most dark moments, what makes you feel empty and unworthy?
- What is a hard lesson in life that I feel grateful for?
- As a child, what were some of my favorite ways to play? How can I bring some of those playful activities back into my adult life?
- If you could set something or someone on fire without fear of consequence, who/what would it be? Why?
- When you think about the word “family,” what feelings, emotions, memories, and thoughts arise? How might your understanding of family impact who you are today?
- Reflect on any personal habits that make you feel guilty. Why do they stir this emotion in you?
- Are there certain emotions you feel more comfortable with? Why do you think that is?
- When you’re vulnerable with someone, how does it feel? Do you feel safe? Is it hard? Why?
- What makes you stay in relationships that aren’t good for you?
- Who in your life takes up the most emotional energy? Why do you think that is?
- What kinds of things about yourself make you feel “less than” others?
- If you have an inner voice, what does it sound like? Is it kind? Loving? Critical? What does it say about you?
- What is one thing you wish you could change about your past?
These are just some examples of shadow work journal prompts that you can use to really get the writing flowing. I will say that I found all of these when my life was falling apart, and every single one brought me to tears. Really get in there and don’t be afraid to spill your heart out on paper. If it takes you a couple days to think about the question before you answer, that’s okay too. Here are some more prompts you can use.
Yoga
Yep, you guessed it. Of course I’m doing yoga to help me with shadow work. Our bodies hold all of our emotions, traumas, and tension. Yoga has too many benefits to not do, but it can also help you remove any stuck or negative energy you’re holding in your body.
Because yoga is a mental practice alongside a physical practice, it helps bring more self-awareness. I can’t even count how many times things have come up for me while I was doing my practice. That’s great and very normal. Let your body feel and release.
Let That Creativity Shine
We are incredibly creative beings with so much light. I don’t care what you like to do, just do it. Take a step back from the daily responsibilities and working, and just enjoy life. If you have always wanted to paint but were never good at it, start practicing anyways. Even if it’s five minutes a day. Grab some paint and a blank canvas and create something, anything.
This is incredibly effective because it comes down to our inner child. We are all still children at heart that were forced to grow up and abandon that energy. But it’s still there inside of us and it wants to play. So, take the time every day to do something playful that you liked doing as a child.
I’ve never thought of myself as an artistic person and could never draw or paint. I’ve always been incredibly into music but never played any instruments. I never even really tried to sing. I also always loved dancing. So, here I am now making art as much as I feel like, learning to play an instrument, singing more, and even dancing more. Those are the things I liked to do when I was little, so I gave up the “I’m not creative” thought and just started doing it all anyways.
Allowing yourself to be creative means allowing yourself to be you. You can really get in touch with yourself and express your inner world in a fun way. Don’t be afraid to let your inner world shine.
Just for fun, here’s some of my art 🙂
Cry It Out
This is pretty self-explanatory, but you will cry. A lot. Remember, doing shadow work means really digging into the subconscious, so there will be a lot of triggers, emotions, and feelings from the past that are going to come up. Ride the emotional wave. Don’t shame yourself for feeling the way you do. Instead, just release and give yourself a big hug. Show yourself the love and compassion you deserve by listening and opening yourself to the release.
We’re emotional beings. Being sensitive and feeling our emotions deeply is a blessing. I’ve met people that haven’t cried since they were little. That’s not healthy, and it actually blows my mind since I cry at least once a day.
Whenever you’re feeling triggered by something or you have an emotion/thought come up for you, take a deep breath, take out your journal, write it out, cry it out, and then give yourself a big hug.
Shaking/Movement
When I say shaking, I mean just that. Shaking your body is another form of release. It’s been proven to release tension and trauma, help regulate the nervous system, and reduce stress.
I like to think of animals in the wild when they get into a fight or have some sort of life-or-death moment. After their encounter, they literally shake it off before moving on. We can live by that example and shake off any stress or tension we’re holding in the body.
It will seem silly at first, but you’ll feel great after doing it. I usually like to shake earlier in my day when I wake up, but there are no rules. I do it through the day whenever I feel it’s necessary and will even do it before bed if I’ve had an overwhelming day.
Shake your body, flail your arms, jump up and down. Just release. You can even follow along on videos from people who are certified in somatic therapy, if you prefer that.
Breathe
Breathing is our life force. It’s the number one way to ground yourself and bring yourself back to the present moment. If you ever find yourself getting too deep and can’t handle it, come back to your breath. It can all be very overwhelming, so don’t force or push yourself too much.
A breathing technique that I use is box breathing. This is an incredibly effective breathing technique for anxiety that is used by marines in their high stress situations. All you have to do is count to four. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds. Breathe for as long as you need to until you feel centered again.
Befriend Your Shadow
I used to be so afraid of my shadow side and I had a hard time accepting that it was there in the first place. Out of everything I’ve tried on my healing journey, shadow work has been the most effective in allowing me to open myself up and understand myself more.
The most important thing to remember is to show yourself love and compassion. Treat yourself the way you would treat someone that you care deeply about. Our shadow sides need that love and gentleness to heal and grow.
Let me know what you think, and of course, I’m always available to discuss anything!
Make sure to follow along on my socials!