I know it’s talked about a lot– self-love. Everyone says it’s important, but nobody really talks about how to actually love yourself fully and unconditionally.
Other than physically healing, I’ve learned that my relationship with myself is the most important part of my healing journey. I can take all the supplements in the world, read all the books, do all the workouts, but none of it truly matters if I don’t love, honor, and respect myself. All of those things are just band aids to cover up the real issue.
This post is going to be a little different than the rest. I am just free-writing and speaking about my journey with self-love, while sharing some habits I’ve introduced into my daily routine to change my perspective on myself.
My History With Self-Love
As always, I would like to share my history with you and help you understand me a little better.
I was always an outgoing child with a lot of life in me. Always dancing, singing, laughing, and playing. My imagination was out of this world, and I only saw the happiness and joy. I remember loving myself and always being happy to be me.
Once I hit a certain age, that started to fade. It was maybe when I was around twelve years old that I started changing. My anxiety and depression started developing, and the love that I had for myself and for life started disappearing.
Fast Forward to High School
High school was my prime self-hatred years. My anxiety, depression, and self-hate just kept getting worse. I started looking for outside validation from everyone and everything. I couldn’t look in the mirror without hating what I was seeing, and I was praying to disappear.
I hated everything and couldn’t find a single place or person that I felt safe and comfortable with. So, I was stressed, anxious, depressed, and lonely. I put all of my focus into school and pushed myself to be perfect because the only thing I felt I had control of was my grades. And then, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis my junior year.
I began to spiral. I wasn’t surprised that even my body was attacking itself and couldn’t function properly.
College and early adult years were almost the same as high school– survival mode, no real friends, lonely, stressed, and especially angry.
My Relationships
I can’t say this enough but our relationships with ourselves are the most important relationships we will have in our lives. The relationship you have with yourself will always be a reflection of your relationships with others.
I’m sure you can guess that my relationships weren’t the healthiest, for the most part. I was always chasing after emotionally unavailable people that didn’t consider me most of the time and was running away from people that actually cared about me and wanted me around. I pushed those that wanted me away because deep down I couldn’t believe that someone would actually care about me and love me. My subconscious was so wired in that self-hatred that it made sense when other people didn’t want me. It was re-affirming that I wasn’t lovable and that I didn’t deserve to be loved.
Not only was I pushing people away, but I was so closed off. I had this inner world full of so much passion, but I could never bring myself to express it, show the world what was going on inside, or share my feelings.
How I have Improved My Relationship With Myself
It wasn’t until about a year ago that I started waking up to what was actually going on with me. Of course, I always knew that I couldn’t live that way, but I started seeing myself for the first time in a really long time.
The biggest changes started happening for me when I left a long-term relationship that wasn’t working. It was almost like that really kick-started my healing journey. I was standing up for myself finally after so many years that my soul started awakening and coming through.
Before I get into the things I’ve started doing for myself, I would like to say that this journey takes work. Some days are going to be so difficult, and you’ll probably want to crawl out of your skin and break free from your body. Other days will feel so magical, light, and peaceful. That is normal. Don’t get discouraged on the harder days because those are the times that you’re growing and learning the most. Be compassionate with yourself and take it day by day. Don’t push yourself too much and make sure to listen to your body and intuition.
Daily Mirror Work
This may sound a little silly, but mirror work has drastically changed how I view myself. If you’re struggling to look in the mirror, this one’s for you.
I start every day off looking in the mirror and saying, “I really, really love you, Aldina,” and “I am as a I am, and that is enough.” I couldn’t say those without crying at first. Now, it brings a smile to my face every time I wake up.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say kind things to yourself. Tell yourself all the things you like about yourself. If you struggle with self-love and self-esteem, you will cry the first few times. That is completely normal. Embrace the tears and keep affirming what it is you love about yourself.
If you’re struggling to think of things that you love about yourself, you can always use “I am” affirmations to help you.
- I am beautiful and divine.
- I am strong and feel empowered in my body.
- I am smart and always ready to learn and grow.
- I am kind and thoughtful.
- I am whole. I am enough.
Just doing this for 5 minutes a day can drastically improve your self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth.
Shadow Work/Journaling
Shadow work is the process of exploring the subconscious side of you. We all have a shadow side that has been formed through trauma, learned behaviors, relationships, triggers, etc. Our subconscious controls 95% of our mind, which means it’s really running the show.
Shadow work has helped me identify the things about myself that I need to work on. It has helped me dig deeper to understand who I really am, what I need, and what I can do to heal from the past. My post about shadow work goes more into detail, so please check that out if you have not already.
Journaling is a huge part of shadow work for me, so I meshed them together. This is a great way to express yourself and get to know yourself. Journaling brings so much insight on what’s going on inside. Free writing is great, but there are so many journal prompts available to help you start writing if you need it.
Here are some journal prompts you can try:
- Write yourself a love letter.
- What makes me feel loved?
- What does self-love mean to me?
- List 10 things that make you happy. How can you add those things to your life more?
- What are some positive ways you have changed over the last 5 years?
- What labels do you assign to yourself?
- How do you forgive yourself when you make mistakes?
- What would you tell your younger self if you could go back in time?
- How do you stay true to yourself when faced with societal pressures or expectations?
- What does living authentically mean to you?
Rewiring The Subconscious
As I stated previously, our subconscious is responsible for 95% of what goes on in our brain. Any fears you have, traumas, negativity, or blockages will reside in this part of the brain and change the whole trajectory of your life. A lot of the time, these are things we aren’t even aware of which is why shadow work is so important.
Our subconscious has been forming our whole lives, but mostly gets most of its wiring when we’re children and learning the world around us. Our brains are just absorbing everything around us and holding all of these ideas hostage.
Because of this, I have started rewiring the subconscious mind when I sleep and right when I wake up. I listen to affirmations and healing frequencies when I sleep because that’s when the subconscious mind is the most active. Absorbing all of those words and frequencies to change to the way I want it to be.
There are so many different recordings available, so find one that works for you and your goals. I have even recorded my own affirmations and played that throughout the night or right when I wake up. This is a great option because you can choose your own affirmations and your brain will recognize your voice for rewiring.
Meditation
Meditation is a great way to calm the body and the brain, and another great time to reprogram the subconscious. Use this time to connect with yourself, while expanding your consciousness at the same time.
I absolutely love this channel on YouTube and recommend it to everyone. The power of breath is actually insane, and I promise you it will change the way you think and feel.
Daily Self-Care and Interests
It can be really easy to put ourselves last and do everything before taking care of ourselves. However, the most important thing you can do is take care of yourself. You can’t take care of anyone else if you aren’t taken care of first.
I make it a daily routine to find time for self-care and doing something that I enjoy. It doesn’t matter if it’s 10 minutes of your day, please make the time.
I highly recommend forming your self-care routine around your love language as it will be the easiest way for you to feel the love you’re showing yourself.
Find something that you’ve always wanted to try or get back into a hobby that you might have forgotten over time. Create something, dance, write, sing, read, spend time in nature. It doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you’re doing something for you that you enjoy.
Setting Boundaries
Boundaries range from physical, mental, emotional, material, sexual, etc. To sum it up, if you’re feeling unsafe or “off,” it’s possible that a boundary of yours has been crossed. This goes back into shadow work as well, but practicing shadow work can help you identify any boundaries you do have so that you can communicate that with yourself and others.
Setting boundaries for yourself and others is necessary to maintain healthy relationships. If you let anyone act however they want with you, you’ll just end up making yourself feel bad. Being able to stand up for yourself and make sure that you feel good in your interactions with others is a form of self-love.
I’ve struggled with boundaries my whole life. I never really acknowledged what my boundaries were, and I always let people walk all over me. I never spoke up and created a war inside of myself. Learning how to say “no” when you want to and communicating when something doesn’t feel right is so crucial.
So, take the time to really sit with the things that make you feel uncomfortable and write them down. Figure out what behaviors you won’t accept into your life and firmly stand in that so when that behavior does come up, you know how to say no and stand up for yourself.
Here is a post that goes more into depth on setting healthy boundaries.
Fast Forward To Now
I’m about 8 months into my healing journey and I can honestly say that I don’t even recognize the person I was before. I’ll look at older pictures and just stare at myself, seeing the complete difference in my eyes, knowing that’s not me anymore.
I’ve been slowly finding my way back to the little girl that was outgoing and full of life. I welcome her and love her as much as I can every day. I provide the space she needs to grow and thrive, to feel safe. I’m gentle, patient, and compassionate with her, giving her the time she needs to evolve and heal. Because she never really had that but always deserved that.
I’m not perfect, not fully healed, and I won’t ever be. But that’s all a part of the journey. Leaning, growing, and evolving every day. The goal is not to be perfect, but to love yourself despite the imperfections. To feel whole, safe, and enough in your body, mind, and spirit.
I’m so grateful for my journey, for the girl that kept fighting, the girl that decided to turn the dark into light. I’m grateful for all the versions of me that did the best they could with what they had in the moment.
I wish you all nothing but the best on this healing journey. Peace and blessings to you. ♡
Make sure to follow along on my socials!